global  >  America  >  NYC

why did i get sexually assaulted in my dream

Source global Wall Street Journal     time 2022-01-14 21:28:47
Typefacelarge in Small
他转过身,面向西方,夕阳像只柑橘,斜照在圣保罗大教堂(圣保罗大教堂,这是一个有意的时代误植。旧圣保罗教堂只有一方塔,1666年伦敦大火期间被烧毁。)的十字架上,这情景让他一下子清醒过来。它的颜色血红,正在迅速下沉。一定是到了黄昏时分。萨莎已走了一个多钟头。他突然又被那些不祥的预感攫住,他对她的那些信任蒙上了阴影。他钻进船舱,循着他看见他们走的路,在箱子和大桶中间摸索着,跌跌撞撞地向前走去。透过远处角落里一星昏暗的灯光,他看见他们坐在那里。有那么一秒钟的功夫,他看见了他们。他看见萨莎坐在那水手腿上,向他俯下身去,看见他们搂抱在一起。这之后,由于愤怒,他眼前的灯光化作一团红云。一声痛苦的嚎叫冲口而出,在整条船中回荡。若不是萨莎挺身挡在两人中间,那水手来不及抽刀,便要被奥兰多掐死。后来,奥兰多感到阵阵致命的恶心,他们只得把他放倒在地板上,给他灌了几口白兰地。他慢慢缓了过来,坐在甲板的一堆麻袋上,萨莎依偎在他身边,轻轻抚着他那昏花的眼睛,仿佛一只狐狸咬了他,又来甜言蜜语地哄骗他,谴责他,让他怀疑自己亲眼所见。难道烛光不是摇曳不定吗?难道影子没有晃动吗?那箱子很沉,她说,那人是在帮她搬箱子。奥兰多一会儿相信她,谁能肯定不是他的怒火幻化出他最怕发生的景象?一会儿又对她的谎言感到更加怒不可遏。萨莎开始变得面色苍白。她在甲板上跺着脚说,如果她一个罗曼诺夫家族的女人,竟躺在一个水手的怀抱中,她当晚就祈求她的保护神来摧毁她。的确,把这两人摆在一起(对此他几乎无法想象),奥兰多为自己内心的龌龊而恼火,竟然想象那么一个长毛畜生将如此娇弱的尤物玩弄于股掌之中。那人膀大腰圆,光着脚也有六英尺高,耳朵上戴着毫不起眼的铁环,看起来像匹负重的辕马,鹪鹩和歌鸫飞累了会落在他的背上栖息。奥兰多屈服了,相信了她的话,求她原谅。但就在他们言归于好,走下船舷时,萨莎停下脚步,把手放在舷梯上,回头冲那个褐色面孔的魔鬼喊出一连串话,不知是打情卖俏,还是嘘寒问暖,她说的是俄文,奥兰多一个字也听不懂。但她的语调中有某种东西(这可能是俄文辅音的毛病),让他想起几天前的一个情景:他碰上她在角落里偷偷啃食地板上捡起的蜡烛头。不错,蜡烛是粉红色的,镀了金,又是从国王的桌上掉在地上的,但它仍是动物脂油,而她竟然啃食它。奥兰多扶她下船走到冰上,不禁怀疑她身上是否有些粗鲁、鄙俗的农夫习气?他想象她四十岁时会变得何等颟顸丑陋,何等无精打采,虽然此刻她纤细如芦苇,轻盈若云雀。然而,他们向伦敦滑去时,他心中的这些疑团再次冰释,他感到自己仿佛被一条大鱼钩住了鼻子,不情愿但又低心下首地在水中飞驰。

‘Heaven be praised!’ cried Orlando still laughing. She heard the sound of chariot wheels driven at a furious pace down the courtyard. She heard them rattle along the road. Fainter and fainter the sound became. Now it faded away altogether.

Orlando, it is true, was none of those who tread lightly the corantoe and lavolta; he was clumsy and a little absentminded. He much preferred the plain dances of his own country, which he danced as a child to these fantastic foreign measures. He had indeed just brought his feet together about six in the evening of the seventh of January at the finish of some such quadrille or minuet when he beheld, coming from the pavilion of the Muscovite Embassy, a figure, which, whether boy’s or woman’s, for the loose tunic and trousers of the Russian fashion served to disguise the sex, filled him with the highest curiosity. The person, whatever the name or sex, was about middle height, very slenderly fashioned, and dressed entirely in oyster-coloured velvet, trimmed with some unfamiliar greenish-coloured fur. But these details were obscured by the extraordinary seductiveness which issued from the whole person. Images, metaphors of the most extreme and extravagant twined and twisted in his mind. He called her a melon, a pineapple, an olive tree, an emerald, and a fox in the snow all in the space of three seconds; he did not know whether he had heard her, tasted her, seen her, or all three together. (For though we must pause not a moment in the narrative we may here hastily note that all his images at this time were simple in the extreme to match his senses and were mostly taken from things he had liked the taste of as a boy. But if his senses were simple they were at the same time extremely strong. To pause therefore and seek the reasons of things is out of the question.)...A melon, an emerald, a fox in the snow — so he raved, so he stared. When the boy, for alas, a boy it must be — no woman could skate with such speed and vigour — swept almost on tiptoe past him, Orlando was ready to tear his hair with vexation that the person was of his own sex, and thus all embraces were out of the question. But the skater came closer. Legs, hands, carriage, were a boy’s, but no boy ever had a mouth like that; no boy had those breasts; no boy had eyes which looked as if they had been fished from the bottom of the sea. Finally, coming to a stop and sweeping a curtsey with the utmost grace to the King, who was shuffling past on the arm of some Lord-in-waiting, the unknown skater came to a standstill. She was not a handsbreadth off. She was a woman. Orlando stared; trembled; turned hot; turned cold; longed to hurl himself through the summer air; to crush acorns beneath his feet; to toss his arm with the beech trees and the oaks. As it was, he drew his lips up over his small white teeth; opened them perhaps half an inch as if to bite; shut them as if he had bitten. The Lady Euphrosyne hung upon his arm.

大座钟雷霆般敲了四下。从未有过如此强烈的地震,将整个镇子夷为平地。长廊和长廊里的一切,霎时间灰飞烟灭。在窥视长廊时,她的面色本是阴沉、严肃的,此时却好似被火药的爆炸所照亮。在同一光亮的照耀下,她四周的一切都极其清晰地显露出来。她看到两只苍蝇在盘旋,而且注意到它们身上的蓝色光泽;她看到脚下的地板有个木瘤,狗的耳朵微微抽动。同时,她听到花园里有粗树枝折断的声音,一只羊在庭院中咳嗽,一只褐雨燕尖叫着从窗前掠过。她的身体开始战栗、颤抖,仿佛倏忽间赤身裸体站在冰天雪地之中。但她没有像伦敦大钟敲响十下时那样,而是保持了完全的镇静(因为她现在是完整的一体,或许承受时间震动的面积也更大)。她不慌不忙地起身,唤了她的狗,坚定但小心翼翼地走下楼梯,来到花园。此处植物的阴影异常清晰。她注意到花圃中不同的土质,仿佛眼睛上附了一个显微镜。她看到每一棵树上嫩枝盘绕。草的叶片清晰可见,叶脉和花蕊上的斑纹也是同样。她看到花匠斯塔布斯沿小径向她走来,绑腿上的每一粒扣子,都可以看得清清楚楚。她看到拉车的两匹高头大马白蒂和王子,她从未如此清晰地注意到白蒂脑门上有块白色的星痣,而王子的尾巴上有三根鬃毛长过其他的鬃毛。屋外的方庭中,房屋年久失修的灰墙,看上去好似表面刮磨了的新照片;她听到平台上的扬声器放了一段舞曲,是人们在维也纳铺着猩红天鹅绒的歌剧院欣赏的舞曲片断。她因现时而兴奋和紧张,但也有一种莫名的恐惧,仿佛只要时间的深渊张开大口,只要让一秒钟滑过,某种未知的危险就会接踵而来。这种精神上的持续紧张,强烈到了让人觉得很难受的地步,无法长时间忍耐下去。她开始走得飞快,穿过花园,来到庭园,腿脚好像不听使唤似的。她花了好大力气,逼迫自己停在木匠房旁,一动不动地盯着乔•斯塔布斯制作马车轮子。她站在那里,眼睛死死盯住他的手,这时一刻钟的钟声敲响了。这钟声如流星穿透她的身体,炙热灼人。她清清楚楚看到乔的右手大拇指没有指甲,在应该长着指甲的地方,是一块粉红色凸起的肉。这景象让人恶心,有一刻,她觉得自己昏了过去。但就在那片刻的昏黑之中,她的眼睑眨动了几下,她摆脱了现时的重压。在她的眼睑眨动留下的阴影中,有某种奇特的东西,某种现时永不拥有的东西(任何人都可以通过看天空来验证)——它令人恐怖即是由此而来,它那无以诉说的性质也是由此而来——某种人们急于要用某个名称把它的实体固定下来、称之为美的东西,因为它不是个实体,而像个影子,没有自己的实质或特性,但它的力量却足以令它所依附的任何物体改观。她在木匠房旁感到眩晕、眨动眼睑时,这影子溜了出去,附着于她一直在观看的数不清的景象,使它们成为可以容忍、可以领悟的东西。她的头脑开始大海般上下起伏。她离开木匠房,开始爬山,并如释重负地大大松了一口气,心想,我又可以开始生活了,我在蟒湖旁,小舟正跃上那夹裹了成千上万毁灭的白色波峰……


RELATED ARTICLES

Copyrightchina(cn)ding ding Technical support ding ding
HostGlobal News Network Co operationChina(CN) CopyrightGlobal News Network